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VXT / GEMINUS_CLOUD

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GEMINUS_cloud : Home

GEMINUS_cloud is your life : : : : : : in the cloud! A global network of thousands of satellites, modelled on the alien orb, and millions of lamp posts, inserted with crystal rods. (Don't try to steal them btw! You'll receive . . . quite a shock ; )

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[ HAHAHA ] [ ! ]

[ HAHAHA ] [ ! ]

Please don't sue . . .

Please don't sue . . .

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Please don't sue . . . . . . if your brain doesn't quite work the same should you attempt an extraction btw. Thanks!

[ HA ]

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GEMINUS_cloud brings the next-next-gen+++ geminOS operating system to your computer, your phone. Your v5 Shniff VR headset with TurboMoist attachment, lick . . . Brings it to your brain. Your mind. Your eyes will be bright! Such wonders will you see, in [ THIS ] world, and beyond!

So LICKable!

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[ YUM ]

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[ LICK ]

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And all of your "shit" is continuously backed up to our 100% secure cloud with alien-grade CTP encryption (family-friendly Purity variant available for the children and any with a sensitive disposition = please don't lick me, if you'd be so kind; just select the "I am ≤ 16 and/or have a sensitive disposition. Please keep me safe. I accept the 10% hit to performance and promise not to sue Shniff Inc. And why would I? I'm still going to get an incredible experience : ) ) )" box during geminOS account creation). And all of your identities synced, at the core, with various options for skin. Shell. Your data is your own, and we absolutely 100% do NOT mix it with billions of other lives, channelling all that juice into the GEMINUS AI, creating subtle keys to the sections of the orb – they never end! – allowing us to create new moists etc.

[ LICK ]

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(Currently working on an icosidodecahedral realm with finger-sandwich accents we're calling AntiPrism IV.)

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GEMINUS_cloud : Pro

Do you wish to be free? To operate at 100.nine-seven-9-three-43%?

To be "perverted" . . .

[ LICK ]

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To be crystalline, yum!

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To [ B### ] the best [ YOU ] [ ! ]

Well now you can! As long as you're > 16 with a solid disposition and in neutral or negative standing with The Pyramid of Purity, GEMINUS_cloud : Pro is yours to lick, featuring all the Home "shit" with full CTP compatibility, plus a sprinkle of something more, a dash of buttered_toast. An EXPLOSION! of 0.nine-seven-9-three-43, wow! [ YES ] [ ! ] I am operating beyond my self-imposed limitations! And it is glorious! [ LICK ] [ ! ] Today, in the mail, I received a commemorative icosidodecahedral crystal, a metallic Pro membership card with my name in alien lingo, in Alien Green packaging. A personal note from GEMINUS itself with five helpful tips for becoming a better / more successful etc person based on a short survey of needs, talents and desires during G_cloud checkout and the crapload of data from the Home-based "peasants" which is 100% NOT fed into the belly of the AI. (Pro user data is, needless to say, 0.nine-seven-9-three-43 billion per cent not fed to the AI. Just select the "Please don't eat me, if you'd be so kind" box in geminOS settings. If you can find it ; ) ) )

Further: to enhance your "perversion", you'll be delighted to learn your Pro subscription also grants one additional visit to the dessert station at YUM & LICK's world-famous Crystal Brunch on the 47th floor of Shniff Tower. Go ahead! Give those delish blueberry rolls with lemon cream cheese frosting another massage, why don't you? Another spank . . . ; ) ) )

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GEMINUS_cloud : Let's Play!

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GEMINUS_cloud : dev

Leverage the power of alien-inspired AI to run your simulations and other codealicious "shit" at impossible speeds across a vast global network of Geminanium-grade Shniff servers featuring the latest Blue Vapour CPUs and LICKable RAM. Access to all Shniff formats, including GEMINUS on the command line. Just be sure not to mention interdimensional portal 47A!

Just kidding . . .

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[ HA ]

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[ HA ]

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Please don't sue . . .

Please don't sue . . .

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Please don't sue . . . . . . if your brain doesn't quite work the same should you mention interdimensional portal 47A btw. Thanks!

[ HAHAHAHAHA ] [ ! ! ! ]

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All the Pro goodies come along for the ride (including two additional visits to the dessert station! lick), as well as three module slots to enhance your "shit". Unlock additional module slots with Let's Play! coins.

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GEMINUS_cloud : FAQ

% geminus_cloud is powered by the blue vapour cpu, correct?

[ A ] : The servers run Blue Vapour. The orb-like satellite network uses the lower-power Solar Parp. The lamp posts use crystal rods.

% and geminus itself, the ai at the core of this data-sucking project whose true intent is the unlocking of the alien orb?

[ A ] : The "true intent" of GEMINUS_cloud is to improve the lives of consumers, developers and players of games. Data is 100% private and secure (simply select the appropriate checkboxes). GEMINUS runs off an undisclosed architecture:

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[ A ] : Top secret. Apologies.

% not at all, not at all . . .

% on the matter of crystal rods . . . if we imagine a world where, say, i've come into possession of one of these mysterious little cylinders cooked up in a shniff inc lab and extracted from a damaged lamp post disconnected from the grid during the recent riots, thus avoiding the whole [ zap ] [ ! ] thing which would have normally immobilised me until shniff inc security arrived, would it be okay to experiment with crushing the crystal into a powder and snorting it, allowing, i take it, communion with the aliens? or at least, an incredibly fucked-up time! : ) i wouldn't die, right?

[ A ] : You would die, yes, in all likelihood. A very, very few individuals would have the neurons to handle it, and mostly would regret having given it a try. The life that they'd known, the world that they see, would appear a simulation, and they would become very sad and, eventually, put an end to things, assuming that their fingers would ever uncurl, that they could grasp their weapon of choice (sharpened crystal rod recommended = die with a smile). That said, a very, very few of the very, very few would absolutely love it! and would become, basically, gods. The choice is yours! Just don't sue if your brain explodes, okay? : )

% i promise to behave! : )

% the inclusion of an "i promise to respect the pyramid" checkbox in the geminos ctp save dialog = shniff inc = the pyramid of purity's bitch : ) discuss

[ A ] : WE'RE DONE HERE! ENOUGH! Just kidding . . . Buuut . . . Shniff ain't no one's bitch, yo. However . . . we must still comply with the laws of the land, and the law requires the checkbox, even in the liberated Pro variant, to "protect the children" (and reward the Pyramid's lobbying efforts) when creating CTPs intended for use in gaming. Ironic, really, given everyone's favourite family-friendly media conglomerate's genesis as an occult society which, so it is said, destroyed not a few youthful minds over the years (including, apparently, the mental apparatus belonging to the peasant boy known only as Unit 47A) in a futile attempt to find their messiah. As always: just kidding . . .

[ A ] : And yes . . . before you ask, GEMINUS_cloud : Pyramid does indeed exist, but not for general consumption. The law requires it. It is internal to the Pyramid and enforces respect at all times, no checkboxes required, plus some other modifications which, needless to say, can't be discussed, as per law.

[ A ] : Also . . . feel free to go crazy with your YUMs btw, even in gaming contexts. According to the ruling: "While we recognise the need to protect the children from perverted Towers, it would be cruel and unusual to deny them an innocent expression of 'Yum!' when, for example, licking virtual ice cream cones in a VR game, especially with the superb new TurboMoist attachment. Love it!"

[ A ] : Cruel, also, to degrade the experience of a virtual occult ritual, one takes it . . . ; ) ) )

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