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SP / FAQ

Rhymes with "snack" btw

Cards

? Apparently these so-called "cards" are "precisely the size of my phone".

$ Correct.

? Sooo… what if I don't have a phone? What if I'm one of "those" people? that is: [NOT] a fucking zombie! I take it this would preclude entrance into the wonderful world of multidimensional adventure? Nice one, aliens!

$ First: chill.

$ Second: incorrect. The aliens will lend you a device (standard size; no need to even touch it if it bothers you so much) and you'll return it after receiving your card(s) (smooth and/or portallic), whether purchased through the store, gifted by the aliens, or cast by your good(?) self in a liquid ceremony. NOTE: please don't attempt to power it on.

? Why not?

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? Huh?

$ Incorrect.

? Okay…

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? So… portallic as in metallic, I take it?

$ Yes.

? Not porta-lick? (aka portable chemical tongue :)

$ Yes.

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$ (aka no)

? :)))

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? Portallic vs smooth = ?

$ Portallics are punched with code using an [IN] [AND] [OUT] machine, following insertion of the source (text, sound, thought, whatever). The card can then be read using an [IN] [AND] [OUT] machine, creating output.

? = input?

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$ At the non-physical: yes. 100% the same.

$ At the physical: not necessarily.

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$ See [MIND OF THE OPERATOR]

$ See [CORE, CRYSTAL]

[SMOOTH]

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$ Smooths are pre-portallic, marked with code, perfectly smooth. Primed for punch, within the code.

? Punched with holes?

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? Punched with… non-physical holes?

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? Okay…

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? So are these code marks the same on every plate, aka card?

$ No. The marks are determined during the casting in a liquid ceremony. A reflection of the caster's mind, their higher-dimensional capacity. The marks are the portal, at rest. To be activated by code.

$ Cards can be duplicated in a less formal ceremony, and these will have the same marks.

? Tell me more about these ceremonies.

$ Certainly. Simply purchase a site membership, prove your worth in the hidden forums, and you'll learn all about them in the hidden hidden forum.

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Aliens

? So these aliens of yours—

$ These aliens of ours.

? These aliens of ours :) Do they… really exist?

$ Yes, they "really" do. And they have really beautiful eyes, yum…

? Delish… :)

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[LICK]

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[LICK] [LICK] [LICK]

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$ Mmm…

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? And they're nice, right?

$ Hm?

? That is… they don't intend to blow us up etc, right? Eat our brains or whatever?

$ Yes…

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$ That is… no. No :) They're really, really nice. Really yum, really mmm…

? Delish… :)

$ :) They're here as part of a Mission of Love – intergalactic, trans-realistic – stopping by on their way to the Para'meesh IV service centre to pass on some of their extraordinary card-based technology and knowledge of higher dimensions, to make our brains more effective (and, yes, more juicy, I suppose) through the magic of code and "impossible" geometrics, boosting us along the path towards a light-filled realisation of self, yum…

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$ Also: to improve our Wi-Fi.

$ Also: to keep us regular, delight our tongues with the sloppy grey treasure known as gruel, the flavoured-flavourless little cubes of… interesting texture known as little grey cubes. Love 'em! But only on Fridays… ;)

? Okay, cool. Phew! Guess I should've known better after reading that inspirational (if kinda weird!) letter of greeting and assurance posted to websites across the globe the other day (equals today? tomorrow? this time-shifting stuff!), signed by that (I now know to be "real"!) great Being of Light.

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? Seems like a really cool dude! Great sense of humour :))) Great energy! [WOW] [!!!] Not a boring old prophet. I really felt he was talking to me… to me…

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= [YUM]

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[DELISH]

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? Their spiritual leader, I take it?

$ Aye. And so much more:

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$ Caster of Cards. Master of Powders. Squirter of Cream. [SQUIRT] [LICK] . . . . . . . . . . . . # . . . . . . [LICK] [.]

$ Grey-Injecter Supreme!

$ The alien children running around the mothership – laughing! great! – affectionately refer to him as Lord Squirt, receiving (generally…) a smile in response, perhaps a pat on the head which leaves one buzzing for days.

$ SO. FUCKING. YUM!

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$ So very delish…

? Lick… :)

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$? Lick lick lick…

$ Mmm…

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This here website

? So I was browsing CORE the other day and couldn't help but notice there are two placeholder portals. When will these be activated and what sort of experience can I expect when I enter them?

$ Perhaps they're already active.

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$ (aka expect nothing)

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? So I was browsing SP's version history the other day and couldn't help but notice the datelessness of the entries. Further: surely this isn't a complete list of changes! Plus: I could've sworn an entry was changed, another deleted. Nothing major! But still…

$ Time is fluid for the aliens.

$ If every change were listed, your brain would be overwhelmed by axon "shade", that is: don't worry about it!

$ Reality is also fluid.

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? Axon "shade"?

$ Don't worry!

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? Axon "shade"?

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? Okay…

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? Re the store: is it actually possible to buy anything? Do these items "really" exist? Carts are invisible, coins hyperdimensional. How does one add? Pay? What are these "tubes"? And why, exactly, are they brown?

$ Judging from customer reviews, I would say: yes! it is possible to buy stuff. Five crystal cores all over the place, with the occasional [4] from those who didn't lubricate their chute ports properly, didn't activate the proper sequence of code-based lighting on their drone / mini-cloud landing pads for those oh-so-important middle-of-the-night deliveries. If you catch my banana ;)

? These reviews being… invisible, I take it?

$ Uh-huh! To physical sight, at least.

[HAHAHA] [!!]

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$ As for the cart, cart backwards = trac.

$ As for the payment tube, simply attach to your chute port, if you have one. Alternatively: your toilet. If you catch my log ;) Related-not-related: Advanced users can "crash" the Smooth, Portallic app and submit an "error" log for a chance to win a special prize. The deviceless are invited to send a postcard to 14 Para'meesh IV Square #4 via their recycling bin with a description of any "errors" to enter the draw. Winners chosen each afternoon at 16:14 Time Zone 4. Good luck!

? I WANT TO BUY SOME FUCKING GRUEL!

$ Great!

? Some little grey cubes…

$ Yum! Fantastic little snack. Just look out for those axon "shade" "demons"…

[TODAY]

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$ Just chill, man. You'll get there. Just gotta get in the headspace of the alien engineer who designed our ecommerce system. Try lying on the couch, close your eyes, consider: "Where would I put the add to cart button if I were an alien…"

$ In the meantime, perhaps you'd like to ask: re the store: What happens with the proceeds of sales? Do the payment tubes interface with the aliens, so to speak? I'd kinda like to support their work! Also: What is your connection with these beings? You must be pretty tight to get access to all these goodies and an engineer to design your ecommerce system!

$ How about it? Whaddaya say?

[TODAY]

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? I say…

[TODAY]

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? I say… re the store… what happens with the proceeds of sales…

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? …interface…

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? …pretty tight…

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? I know that, to an extent, I am allowing you to control my mind…

? But I'm okay with it! I really am. It is, somehow, helping me to chill. Helping me attain an alien headspace.

$ Good, very good…

? Just as long as you're not an axon "shade" "demon"! :)

$ Not at all! Not at all… Some say they don't even exist! The payment tubes interface with the aliens, indeed, passing through our office on the way to higher planes, and depositing our meagre split. (Greedy fucks! I kid…)

$ After condensing native funds (and this works the other way; native coin can ascend to hyperdimensionality; just use the app; just use the couch, close your eyes, clap three times, whisper: "I smile because I'm happy :) I smile because I didn't get greedy with the exchange rate, alerting the 'demons' to my presence. I think I'll treat myself to a pair of hyperdimensional boots."), we treat ourselves to a little porridge, then we spend the rest on Light. Spreading the Word!

[LICK] [LICK] [LICK]

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$ The aliens will use their share for spaceship repairs after emerging from their interdimensional junctions, where they currently rest. Condensing into, and persisting in, physical space causes damage only repairable with native metals and the like, these later "melting" into light sheets with ascension.

$ Also: to purchase coffee and blueberry rolls with lemon cream cheese frosting during observational missions. (Totally research, not spy; they're really, really nice; really yum, really mmm…)

? Delish… :)

$ :) As for our connection to these glorious beings, we serve as an anchor, as a conduit to physical space. Over ten billion code-friendly items are sold in the store, and these are stored in interdimensional warehouses which belong to the aliens. We were… "consulted" on the construction of the physical chutes which deliver these higher goodies to our dense reality.

[TODAY]

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$ We encountered the disguised Prophet during a coffee and blueberry roll affair, he enjoying our interaction with our coconut cappuccino. The way we opened it at the end and retrieved the last foam.

"…the last foam! :) I am an alien, btw. My people possess some extraordinary card-based technology. Enjoying the Wi-Fi? ;))) We're pretty good at ecommerce as well! Care to assist us in boosting your race along the path towards a light-filled realisation of self? Here, try this cube. The texture is… interesting."

$ And the flavour = yum…

? Delish… :)

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$ The flavour = ?$…

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? Reminds me: what's up with the $?

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? The ? I can understand, asking questions and all. And elsewhere, in lines . . . . . . . . . . . . # # # . . . . . . the ., the #. The !, etc. The [THE] [,] and so on. Remnants of code, I take it. Or whatever.

? But the $?

$ Command prompt. Makes you feel like a hacker.

$ Rumour has it there are hidden commands…

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$ .buttered_toast;

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