Get Ready for an Unending Experience of Sugar's booty.
Crazy to imagine it now, but there was a time, pre-POP, at the height of Vogenomic's Roderick success, overflowing with in-app cash, swimming in Shniff credit, that we almost lost it all. To Love. To GRUEL.
Almost certainly, you don't remember.
There was an "incident", scrubbed from the public record, the private record, from every site, every mind, pretty much, as part of an agreement with the government negotiated by our Shniff-assigned legal team. Scrubbed, since Shniff can do that. Love can do that. GRUEL could do that. It would never be spoken of again. Shniff's investment was protected.
Sounds kinda sinister, eh? But nay. It is best we don't recall. We think… For aye, even we do not remember, pretty much, just a note there was a vote across the globe: 99.9% in favour of forgetting the whole thing and getting back to "normal". Hooray!
Of course, there were those who claimed to not be wiped. Some approached us. It was nonsense! We think… And we traced them to the highest levels of government! And so: we looked to Sugar, in POP's pre-alpha, into beta, worked that booty, reshaped that booty, creating a booty so incredible, that inevitably some officials would succumb – in-game, IRL – and we'd have the protection that we needed, if you catch our advantageous material. For those able to control their ham sandwiches or other $most-delicious-sexual-part, we could always program Sugar to make the problem "go away", if you catch our Sugar's Shotgun. And for those who took the robe, who only ever encountered Sugar from afar, we added the quest Allow Me to Vent Your Sack, performed by a Sugar clone.
"Pick your steed," Sugar says, a leathered-up priestess/mechanic with an incredible ass. "Also: return to me when you are ≥ Mini Priest Rank 5 for a bike upgrade, as well as certain… advantageous materials ;)"
That was Sugar, and this is Return to Sugar. She was impossible to resist. That incredible ass… Those advantageous materials. Disadvantageous, for me, being a high-ranking government official who played right into their hands. Following the script, to a T. It was inevitable. Inescapable. I know what happened with GRUEL! Was it those unofficially licensed Juices 4 U POP boosters which got me…
[POP BOOSTER JUICE]
I have pled with her. She simply smiles, winks, mini slaps that glorious booty.
"I wouldn't recommend trying to explode me with your newly upgraded plasma rifle from One Cube or Two? btw," she smiles, tapping her Sugar's Shotgun with an orange nail.
I need to go back in time… to Sugar. I need to not succumb. Maybe take the robe, so I never see that damn quest. But no… there is the clone…
I need to find the aliens' interquantum gate!
The Museum of Alien History! Of course! Not the in-game one, no… no one cares about virtual perversity. I must eradicate my booty crime IRL! I must visit the actual museum, the one which doesn't exist, for the aliens haven't come yet.
% log off and go for a walk, ponder how one visits a non-existent museum in order to find a clue to the location of the aliens' interquantum gate