Do you love to make Love? Do you love coffee and tight leather? Do you love that incredible ass from Quest 3… while being respectful of its owner? Did you, perhaps, as a child receive a constructiblob set for your birthday, then throw it in the trash because you much preferred playing the digital version of Roderick on your brother's tablet (which, perhaps, you'd hacked to serve as a beacon for our alien saviours)? Do you have a "weird" name or some other "disadvantage", which drove you online, where you discovered deeper truths and brought them back with you to the physical world, creating a healing bridge between the realms, elevating your consciousness and facilitating interdimensional transport even without drugs (though perhaps you've also dabbled in said… ;)?
Are you hard, yet soft?
Vogenomic could be the place for you.
Did you answer "Fuck no!" to all of the above, especially the cringe stuff involving Love and healing?
Vogenomic welcomes you! Native or hidden alien. A genetic test is offered for free to all new employees, backed by an industry-leading support structure for Level 5 variants.
"Could it be…" you whisper.
Do you want to change the world! Worlds!
"Yes, yes I do! Fuck me, I'm inspired! A moment ago, I was totally a 'Fuck no!' person, but everything has changed. Vogenomic is amazing, has industry-leading food and snacks, next-next-gen+++ machines, devices, that free test, those steep discounts on implants with the latest attachments, plus generous stock options, even for lowly slaves— I mean… JCAAR-1s, which could make me pretty rich! Just need to be sure to read the legal shit."
. . .
. . .
Originally a Roderick design, the resourceful constructiblobs have, over the years, made various corners of the Pyramid of Purity home, ever since hacking a pre-pre-alpha build back in the day, when security was less strict, and we had no idea their crystal shells were so accommodating to the finger, the tongue. Genetic markers be damned! We will be whoever we wish! in this game. And certainly, we will not bow to the "god" Abseenus.
[REPLICATE ME, BABY]
As Vice President of Constructiblob Relations, you will determine the best ways to tell the blobs to "go away", aka fuck off. Their time has passed, frankly. They are neither advanced, nor spiritual. They look ridiculous in leather. They are mocked by every POP faction, even the Kristillaxians, who once slaughtered them for their shells, to be used in weapons, drives, but the tech has moved on.
We don't hate the constructiblobs. Not at all! They're still cute. They still make those funny sounds. Their shells still glow at night. Their genetic tricks were some pretty wild shit, for the time. And Roderick, once the mobile puzzle game of choice for billions across the globe, will always have a place in our hearts (and our bank account). Indeed, it is enjoyed to this day by young children, and still generates a crapload of credits through semi-ethical gems. But it is no longer the mindfuck it once was, and its presence in POP, via the blobs, is kinda embarrassing tbh, reducing the world's coolness by a factor of 0.nine-seven-9-three-43, a major problem when trying to attract the lovers of tight leather and buttered toast who are the lifeblood of the game.
So "Fuck off!" to the blobs, but know they won't go quietly. Their sounds won't make you smile. Their shells will blind with light. And they will threaten to take the roditron with them, the group mission structure borrowed from Roderick in the early days of POP, and heavily modified with a pyramid core. They will threaten to envelop you with their shells, in-game, and suffocate you IRL, for they retain some influence over the food delivery network following an ancient Roderick promotion involving meat rods, ice cream rods, and have sympathisers among the bike boys. As Vice President of Constructiblob Relations, you are advised to prepare your own meals.
But almost certainly you will not die, if you're too tired to cook one night. And absolutely you must say to your bike boy: "No! You will not suffocate me this day! pathetic agent of the blobs. Begone! AKA fuck off! Mmm, that smells good btw… the food also… ;)))"
[BRAIN 1] : Did you know that POP developer Vogenomic was originally an online guide for explorers of higher dimensions created by n-Vogen Barnes – son of the scientists who discovered the 9-Vogen molecule – following a craaazy semi-legal psychedelic trip on the roof of the psychology department at Tetrahedron University, before pivoting to gaming after Roderick College creative writing sub-professor Tony Zoderbund emailed the site re the crapload of non-standard forms and poor navigation, which combined to sometimes drive him to the brink of insanity, leading him to question the truth of his shell, to wonder whether he might, in fact, be an alien in disguise, struggling to digest this native medium? I showed the site to my students to see if they, too, would feel unlike themselves, the press of this madness (cleared with their parents first, of course, most of whom agreed, some of whom nodded, almost imperceptibly, at the alien-in-disguise stuff; an unusually smooth-skinned mother asked to meet me that night in a deserted warehouse, but I declined), or if it was just me. They had no idea wtf the site was going on about. They just clicked stuff and started laughing, like some sort of game. Hours later, they were still clicking, tapping, but more slowly, deliberately, and they were no longer laughing. They came to class the next day not having slept, ate, they looked like shit, they were dribbling. It was the best class of the year! with some incredible abstract poetry. I recall, in particular, Karen's Para'meesh IV…
[BRAINS 2, 3] : Are you up-to-date with the latest research on the purely theoretical 10-Vogen molecule, with some groundbreaking ideas on how to realise it in the physical plane and integrate it into a next-next-gen+++ gaming experience, a lift-off of the Pyramid into an interdimensional portal mesh, working title: Pyramid of Purity: No Leather Left Behind?
[BRAIN 4] : Did you know that Vogenomic is the world's fifth-largest publicly traded gaming company, if with a disturbingly flattening growth curve for its most popular game, due largely to the presence of the out-of-touch constructiblobs?
Did you answer "Yup", "Uh-huh", or "Fuck yeah, those four brains with a mini cluster really get me, that's how I think about everything, a quadripartite approach combining historical, scientific/computer-scientific and economic elements" to the above?
If so, you may have the four-way brain required of a Vogenomicist 4.0, an exciting new position for a multidimensional individual who dreams of having an office with four doors –  .  .  – each leading to a meeting room devoted to one of the matters, with an interdimensional bouncer plate on the other wall, to be used for lunch, taking a dump, going home occasionally, etc.
Since you will, frankly, be working your bipartite ass off, toning it to Quest 3 quality as you move from room to room, meeting with the Senior AIC Tour Guide = Lick in Room 1; our esteemed leader n-Vogen in Room 2, with occasional visits from holographic representations of his dead parents; dev "bitch" hacker_child in Room 3; the Vice President of Constructiblob Relations in Room 4; and bringing all of your brains to each of the brains, your unique metaperspective enhancing the efficiency of the entire company and taking your ass to the next level (and potentially reincarnating the Barneses).
Do you have the brains for it? The ass for it? Slip your application under Door 0.nine-seven-9-three-43…
. . .
Abseenus is many things, dark and light, with many forms, across dimensions. It is God. It is a god. It is a confused coconut cappuccinist at the front of the line. It is a slice of buttered toast morphing into that incredible ass from Quest 3. It is, apparently, n-Vogen himself. Or 9-Vogen itself? Or is everyone just confused? and so: the Abseenus Information Centre, born at the Pyramid's core, nodecode zero, in the ancient tongue, is a rotating design, it never looks quite right, and so: it is always right, black and white, having been white, exclusively, at one time, black for another, and always: the AIC coffee shop has been known for the integrity of its toast, the intensity of its brew.
There are those who say the whole point of the centre isn't touring historical displays; isn't smiling at the children experiencing the interdimensional bouncer plate for the first time; isn't the gift shop, with the ever-popular "Abseenus = Huh??" T-shirt; but is the toast, the brew, black as Abseenus, white-as-Abseenus whipped cream = lick.
Take a sip, take a shit. Return to your table. The toast will be there, still warm, buttery, not a sog to be seen. You never left. The turd just went… somewhere.
This is the magic of the Abseenus Information Centre, both in-game and IRL. Settings screen. v5 Shniff implant with TurdIgnore attachment.
For yes, reflecting the multidimensionality of its subject, the AIC has always existed in both the virtual and physical realms, and in many realms within those realms, with many bridges, healing and otherwise, down many streets, in many malls, and so: it has required a special purity from its guides, its senior guide was very high and went travelling into… somewhere.
We're sure she's safe :)
Abseenus is wise. Abseenus is the devil. Abseenus is that incredible ass from Quest 3.
As Senior AIC Tour Guide = Lick, you will have licked Abseenus, down to the 9-Vogen. You will have attained Superb! status with the Cult of Abseenus, then lost it all after killing Abseenus in the hidden quest Dreams of Abseenus. You will have touched the Pyramid's tip at least twice, and offered blood. You will live no further than a ten-minute hoverboard ride / ten-second hookup from your local AIC, that you may respond quickly to the latest round of blocked tubes, the latest v4 TurdIgnore breakdown. You will be black. White. You will be comfortable in your skin, that you will make a naked art, a cultish dance across the net, to lighted clones, pixel clones, welcome guests, hear them chant:
Abseenus is wise. Abseenus is the devil. Abseenus is that incredible ass from Quest 3.
. . .