"geminOS" as in "wash your socks", lest the aliens be disturbed by native taint during the touching ritual.
What's new in TurdStar
geminOS TurdStar is the latest, most turdalicious version of the galaxy's most powerful operating system.
geminOS is now 70% ORB-compliant and rising, continuing its self-realising as its soul converts to ORB, as we continue to rewrite it in this native + alien tongue. Your experience will be smoother than ever, your smile wider, your intelligence higher, your mind almost ready to commune with our alien gods, healing all your wounds and delivering you to eternal bliss.
Calculator now includes a hidden Vogen mode for exploring the wonders of non-existence through the safety (pretty much…) of mathematical abstraction. Enter 0.nine-seven-9-three-43 + hit equals = watch as the equals button morphs into a slice of toast [SLASH] slot [SLASH] key (rectangular crystal variety) + hit it + accept the "I accept the verrry minor risk of self-explosion!" warning =
Gaming in geminOS turns the action up to 96 with support for HexEffect 9, developed in collaboration with the Pyramidal Purists at Vogenomic and currently available for testing by high-level priests. While we'll need to wait for the aliens for the anticipated merging of the virtual and so-called real which will prepare us for delivery to Para'meesh IV, HexEffect 9 + a v5 implant + your choice of HexEffect 9-compatible juice + an Orb of Ooh in at least three equipment slots = Yes, I give you permission to touch me there with your really very long fingers, ooh…
Hundreds of new wallpapers with an alienotic vibe, including imaginings of the aliens' interquantum gate by some of the world's top artists following a brief, pretty safe exposure to the Orbic waves in Soran Shniff's containment chamber. The artefact may be killing our beloved CEO, but we're getting some great tech! and some inspired interpretations which will make you go, "Wow… yes… I am being transported… to the toilet for an alien-grade turd session, yum…"
…speaking of: Are you a chocolate star fan, or do you tend to the mini turd? Both, perhaps, through the magic of the gate, for everything's the same when you interquantum phase. Discover your inner star/turd/turdstar with a complimentary triple scoop of Vanilla Emission ice cream with chocolate stars / mini turds by tapping/clicking/licking the new and improved ice cream machine icon in Command Centre and entering your code of non-existence from the Calculator experiment (assuming you didn't explode). The offer is unlimited. Just generate a new code (and don't explode) and wait for the drone.
geminOS can be loaded on pretty much anything, whether a Shniff device, or the latest crap from our "competitors".
For those unable, or unwilling, to transcend the Minimum stage, know that even the "shit-tier" geminOS experience is excellent and will surely make you smile. Inferior, limited tech is boosted far beyond its normal capabilities, both through the OS and the magic of our interconnected cloud.
A great way to get started!
Your toilet will thank you…
Current-gen device / computer thing from our "competitors"